Before you Say ‘I Do’

Getting married is one of your dreams. Fine and good.  Many have been there and many will still end up together as husband and wife. But you have to be careful to know what you are bargaining for when you say you want to live together with someone else from an entirely different background and with a totally different personality.

Good that this article is coming at a season when
weddings are organised massively and proposals and engagements made on a rapid rate too. Many of our ladies will be hoping to be on their best outward look this festive season… who knows? Mr Right may just be about the corner.

In general, these are things you’d better know, if you wish to have a successful marriage, before you respond ‘I do’.  

   

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Love your Spouse?

The clear distinction between like, lust and love has to be understood- by you of course. If you want the best, only one is worthy of engagement. The truth is that people always mix these three up and marry for several reasons. While like and lust may be thrilled at first sight by what is seen, love goes deeper than both. So be aware!

Be sure You can’t Change Your spouse beyond what he/she is willing to change

I’ve seen many who wish to enter into the marriage to change the spouse. That isn’t a guarantee. Chances are that your spouse will be a better and upgraded version of his or her current self. So be sure that what you see is what you want to live with. Otherwise, better separate now than then.

Purpose and Career Goals

Every human exists for something greater than him/herself. That’s called purpose. Be sure that your to-be-spouse’s purpose complements yours. So make sure, by asking preferably, that you know his/her career goals and life purpose.

In order words, make sure that your dreams and aspirations while single will find full expression after marriage. The truth is that you don’t want to see your dreams dashed to the ground simply because you tangoed with the wrong person.

Your Views on Faith

Does one’s faith matter? Well, it does to many. You want to marry someone with whom you will share common ideologies on faith. Whether a Christian, Moslem, Mormon, Buddhist be careful to make sure that your feeling on religion- how central or not it is to both of your being- is same.

You will discuss for the rest of your lives, and you won’t avoid that topic for that long.  

Their Friends

Every single human is an aggregation of his/her friends. Don’t ignore his/her friends any bit. They can give you a valuable clue on his personality, likes and dislikes. A gentleman, as he appears before you, for example, cannot consistently keep rogues as friends. These are the people he chose to spend his free times with, and since they are his choice, they are definitely of the same flock.

Source of Income

He/she may not be extremely wealthy, in case that’s what you are looking for- that’s reality- but how the money comes in and the source is very important. Make sure that what your spouse do what you approve. And how consistent is his/her income level?  

Know their Families

Your spouse didn’t choose this group of people but you have to know them since they will form an integral part of your family. You have to know which traditions can affect your dream union. You never can tell who exactly your spouse listens to in the family and whose counsel can make or mar your marriage.

Are they in love, or hate with their immediate families? That’s necessary.

The Quote: Marriage is a commitment for life. It is a permanent, lifelong relationship 

Give it Time

Time is a great sieve and tester of circumstances. While there are things you may still not know no matter how long you date yet allowing enough time to exist between meeting and tying the knot may be all the wisdom you need.

For instance, it is difficult to consistently live for six months on false image and personality. And that will be helpful this season too, where you don’t meet at an event today, propose tomorrow and next you are married. Allow enough time to test the sincerity and authenticity of the proposed love.  

Do not Ignore Danger Signs

One of my friends once said, “Chudy, I know he is a mean man who will restrict me so much if we are married. And his family is same too. A thing I hate so much…but I still love him”. Well, they still got married.

Whatever sign you see that you can’t live without, leave in time. It is better to have a broken relationship before marriage than to have a broken marriage. It has to be different for different people. As Myles Munroe said, many divorced people he counselled still professed to love their spouse. Love is not everything in marriage.

Their Views on life issues

The life every relationship, no matter the kind, is communication. You are gonna   speak with your spouse for the rest of your lives. So make sure that you can tolerate his views on politics, education, sports, family planning- after all what will you be discussing if not any of these?

You may not agree with all every time, but you have to agree with many if you are to sustain your communication life and in extension save your marriage.

Prepare

One of the greatest mistake people make in life harbouring the mind-set that marriage does not need to be prepared for. And yet this is the most vital part before you ever move down the aisle Doctors, engineers, and every other professional require years of training to become qualified.

How come marriage is given such a laissez-faire attitude? You may not go to a formal school; nevertheless you still need be tutored. Observe successful marriages and learn from unsuccessful ones. Thousands of books have been written, videos released and seminars organised on this same topic. Avail yourself to learn from people who have gone that path successfully

The In Love Euphoria Does Not Last (typically 18 months)

This has happened to us many times only that we may not have taken note. While good, it is just euphoria and accepting someone for life entirely on that will not be judged as wisdom. That’s why giving your relationship time to mature is vital. If you both still love each other after the ‘in love’ experience has died down, then you may truly love each other.

The truth is that it takes just a little thing as a wonderful smile to fall in love. It’s that simple. We’ve been there and back…it does not last. Don’t ever think this one will last only because it’s in marriage.

Alright, you’ve read through, you will need put into practice.

The story: In one of his audio messages, the founder of Living Faith Church, Bishop David Oyedepo narrated this story: ‘A married man travelling in an aircraft and he was wearing his wedding ring on the wrong finger. Someone noticed and pointed his attention, “sir you are wearing your wing on the wrong finger”. And the man replied, “ don’t worry, it’s because I married the wrong woman”.’

The best option is to prepare for marriage and not in marriage. Enjoy being a single, don’t rush to get married. This festive period especially will offer you an opportunity to reunite with old allies and make new friends. But before you say, “I do”, before that life-long commitment, observe what you learnt here. You won’t thank me enough.

There may be other key points that need be observed which you know. The comment box is there for you to make your comments.